|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 10, 2016 20:57:06 GMT 2
In dire need of information
The overall atmosphere of the bar was interesting. Max had seen the way the bartender looked at the young girl who walked in, and until she started to play, the cop didn't feel the need to look at her. There was something oddly innocent about the lady, and the feel was reinforced by all those drunken men sitting around, not very interested in her music. But the barman, he seemed to know her already in a personal way. Who knew how wrong or right the cop was. Those thoughts were insignificant and weren't to be spoken before some form of usefulness rose from them. He turned his head to listen for a little while, noting that the player and singer sure had talent before returning his attention to the barman. "She's pretty talented. I got to give it to this bar for producing better music than any other in town." he said with a slight smile, drinking from his glass with his eyes on the man serving him.
What the man said about the building's history was quite interesting. Max didn't think he'd know about every place in Chicago in only a few months, but he didn't think he could walk by this place and forget it. It looked like an old family enterprise, the type that just understood how a good business worked and didn't change its recipe for years simply because it worked and still does. One thing was sure, if he was able to get out of here in good terms, he would make sure to come back. Both for business or a good time. Max was used to working with the underground, and he didn't let people know about it. The fact that he didn't let people know about it didn't change anything to the fact that people found out by themselves. The reason why he was fired from all his previous jobs was because of this (and other reasons). But his chiefs always let him finish his cases, because even though his ways were unconventional, he did his job, and he did it well.
Then it was his turn to be interrogated. Honesty was his prime rule unless dishonesty was a better option. He left his glass on the counter and raised his hand to the man. "Max. Just call me Max." he offered a small smile to the man. "I'm looking for information, and someone told me I may be able to find what I'm looking for here." he said it plainly and simply, but to avoid a commotion he omitted the word 'cop' or 'detective'. He wasn't a hundred percent sure of what type of person hung out here, but he'd rather not find out in a brutal way that some people dislike the law.
No trouble |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 9, 2016 18:56:17 GMT 2
Font FaceFont Size Needing help
to clean the mess
It was true, and he was forced to admit, that all would be easier if this group was only composed of two people. But were they two, their wouldn't be this endless circle to save the others when their lives needed saving. To him, there was nothing to regret except the way he spoke to Ruby. He wished to kill himself for punishment as to how stupid he had been, and how he hadn't thought through his plans. His plans always backfired, so why should this one not?
"Complicated isn't always a bad thing. Look where complicated led us." he looked at the man shrugging very slightly. "If we were simple people then I would have aimed right that night in the alley, or you and Ruby would have finished your work at the harbor. I see no problem with a little bit of complicated from time to time. Like everything: A small dose of bad, is often good. Even for killing..." maybe those words he came to say would bring him acceptance for what he had done, and he might stop troubling himself over it. Maybe he can sleep soundlessly tonight.
Despite all that he had done, Jacob wasn't pushing him away or throwing him out like some stray agressive dog. Instead he was asking him to stay and a kind smile drew itself on his face for the first time since they started to yell at each other. It brought a hint of a smile to Max himself as he took Jacob's hand, folding it into a fist before thumping it against the J&R "Thank you for protecting me from myself." there was nothing else he wished to say, knowing that whatever he could say or do from now on was a danger to himself, Ruby, and Jacob. He now weighed his words like they were dynamite. But he knew he wanted to tell Jacob that he wasn't going to forget tonight, that this was not an escape plan, but a plan that had to be put on pause in order to sort everything out first. Time created Rome, and time will solve issues and create others. Just like Max creates problems to solve others, he needed to find a new strategy. Minus times Minus should no longer be applied. Instead apply the rules you make, take out the joker card and fuck up the world, because being born in an unfair world, there is no reason for you to play by the rules.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 8, 2016 21:40:37 GMT 2
Font FaceFont Size Needing help
to clean the mess
Jacob's vision of forgiveness was rather funny and made the man chuckle. If it was what Ruby needed to forgive him, then he would do it until his knees bled. Starting over seemed to be a valid option. Like he could erase everything he had done in the past weeks and leave all that happened behind. He could feel a pull on his heart however at the thought that it would mean tonight was to be forgotten, in a way. There was something in the way Jacob dealt with all of this that made it seem like he didn't really want to forget. The tone in his voice hid like a regret that he wished to conceal. Wasn't it nice to know how people sound when they feel regret? The perks of being a detective. "If the need to do so comes up, then I promise I'll get to my knees and beg for forgiveness."
His definition of a couple seemed to contradict with Jacob's, but in the end he guessed he and Ruby must have been and looked just like one at times. But if they were a couple, a lot of things would be different. If they had both agreed that they were indeed that, Max would have invited her to live with him, and he believed Ruby may have done the same. They would have gotten out on dates more often and...they could have celebrated St Valentines day. He wasn't even sure when that was, but he believed it might have happened when he was still at the hospital. With everything that happened to them, it was hard to focus on something as insignificant as that holiday. If he and Ruby were a couple he may have even considered the future, a future that seemed to be completely gone now, but the flower of hope still grew in the desert. But it was hard to consider a future with the woman now that he knew a future with Jacob may be possible. He shut his mind about it, focusing on the present time and moment to take care of the man in his arms.
"You've already helped a lot Jacob. Thank you." his squeezed his embrace around the man tighter, lowering his head into his neck. They looked like two pieces of a jigsaw who seemed to fit perfectly together in that moment. "Am I still welcome to stay for the rest of the night? or Morning... Or I can go back home. Don't worry I can manage if that's what you want." he broke his embrace simply to look at the man. There was regret in his own eyes, regret that he wasn't able to control the entire situation called life a little better, so less people would be hurt. It was a good lesson for the future, lesson that he should think of every day until his end.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 8, 2016 19:44:20 GMT 2
Font FaceFont Size Needing help
to clean the mess
It took a while for the man to answer to Max's action. But when he eventually did, thing fell silent, only their breathing and the shuffling of clothes could be heard. The cop harbored a pained look on his face because of all that happened. It was his fault, all of it. No one could tell him otherwise and one only needed to look at the facts to see who was at fault here. And because of it all he almost forgot that those hands, now holding Jacob close, had killed a man not two hours ago. The fear that someone could be threatening him or Ruby or Jacob was now gone, even though the ghost of it still lurked around. But he could see the full picture now: They needed to stick together in order to keep each other safe. If he had truly ruined everything, how long until he had to go to a funeral? It could even be his own for all he knew. He wasn't even that far away from it about five weeks ago.
Jacob's arms wrapped around his torso and his fingers gripped his shirt. His warm breath on the cop's neck sent down chills until he was used to it. He thought for a while, moving a hand up in Jacob's hair, holding his head close to him in a caring way. His entire inner dwelling was to find out how everything will go now. They needed to define that point, liking it or not. Eventually he came up with a possible solution, which he believed he should share with the bunny in his arms. "Listen, here's what we can do..." his voice was soft, but it carried the weight of the previous fight, like all the yelling had tired his voice more than anything else. "...I'm going to fix what I did to Ruby. I'm not going to pretend like what I said to her never happened. So what could happen is that we are going to go back at how it used to be. Not five weeks ago, not three months ago. We could go back to how we were when we were at the dinner with Shaun." he paused but not too long so he could precise her thoughts. "What I mean is that we were having each other's back without bothering to know who loved who the most or how strange our situation may be. The fact is that because we all stood together no one died and we would all be in our graves if we didn't." he didn't know if Jacob understood him, but he hoped that he had made his point clear enough.
"I can't go back to Ruby and ask her to forget everything I told her so we can just go back to what we had." that he believed to be very true, and he wouldn't dare go to her with the idea that a kiss will solve everything. He believed maybe this was the time to talk about what he and Ruby had discussed months ago. "We were the way we were because we agreed upon it. Months ago we decided that none of us wanted something serious, but that we were content with each other's presence. We also agreed upon the fact that if we met someone we felt we liked, then our relation could come to an end. We both agreed to it." the point of him telling this to Jacob was to show him that the man was not a third wheel at all. The man's feelings were still a bit unsure, but time will deal with that point. "I can't say I agree to be...with you now, but it's not because of Ruby." he continued to hold the man throughout his speech, curling a black lock between his fingers in a relaxed manner. "I know it's...new to you. So I'm giving it all time, both for you, me, and Ruby." if Jacob wished to push him away somewhere through this talk, Max wouldn't protest and let him go, if not he'll keep him close, enjoying the beating of his heart while such a close embrace lasted.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 7, 2016 21:54:45 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
It seemed like anger was no longer clouding their judgments. They were both speaking their mind, and slowly the tension in the air was fainting. Max could feel his tensed muscles relax, and because of the painkillers, he didn't have to worry about his calf. It throbbed, but it didn't hurt. Max felt guilty yet again for letting himself believe for so long that Jacob could simply shut down his emotions like a machine, that somehow emotions didn't affect him. Yet another thing he was wrong about, but it only encouraged him to wish to know even more about the man who saved his life three times already. Maybe tonight was the fourth.
Jacob got up, joining their dance of standing up and sitting, pacing and thinking they have been holding in the past few minutes. The neighbors must believe the fight was done, and may have even gone back to sleep. Max wished he and Jacob could do the same, believing they had been up for long enough. And exhaustion might have been one of the reasons why it had been so hard to talk and keep their calm. The man remained silence, eyeing the merc pace, seemingly considering everything again and again in his head. Until he spoke again.
The side of Jacob he was given now felt strange, eerie. The bunny was telling he was liking someone, which might be Max, Ruby or even both. Out of love and friendship, if loving one of them meant to lose the other, he would pick friendship a thousand times again. He couldn't answer the man's question about why, we humans, love and fall in love. It was an existential question Max couldn't find the answer to. But Jacob didn't push him away, despite all the hesitation he had displayed. And eventually, he said what Max wished to hear. He felt relief inside him, that Jacob was still on his side and that things were not burning in flames yet. What he meant by care and protection, was all Jacob already had from him. Except that now that he knew Jacob wanted it he could give more. However there was an underline to it. After their long discussion, Jacob had proven Max that he had feelings for him, and his words about care and protection also meant that there was a possibility to add affection, love to it. Max believed Jacob understood that. For the sake of finding a balance in their lives again, all three of their lives, he needed to put his feelings on the side.
He looked at Jacob, no words had been spoken yet by him since the man talked. Rendering Max completely speechless was not an easy task, and Jacob probably knew so much. He hesitantly took a step forward, closer to the man, his hands opened. If Jacob would let him, he would pull on his shirt to bring him closer and wrap his arms around him. He wished he could have done more than this, that he could have kissed the man, but as said before, for the sake of making this right, he needed to put his feelings aside and do as Jacob said. He had to fix what he did to Ruby, find a way to apologies. He didn't believe she could ever forgive him, but all he wanted was to be able to give her the care and protection he said he would give Jacob no matter what.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 7, 2016 19:47:30 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
What Jacob said was no news to the cop. He had explained it weeks ago to Ruby as well, that every people who saw them simply knew their must be something between them. He was well aware that Ruby cared for him in a way she possibly never did before with someone who wasn't of her family. He loved her so much in return, and he had proven before that he was ready to give his life for her. There had just been one thing, keeping him from ever having his heart beat for her. He didn't use her, he legitimately believed he was in love with her, and even now he still wondered. After kissing Jacob, he found out what had been keeping him from fully giving himself to Ruby, from thinking further than just making her happy, keeping her safe and thinking she didn't want anything more to do with him. He took a deep breath and sat on the couch again, since it seemed to be the safe place, where no one yelled or got truly angry. "There is only one other person I care for as much as Ruby and wish to protect as much as her. There used to be more, but one is still in France and the other doesn't want my care and protection." he realized it was the first time he spoke to Jacob about whom he used to love. Antoine's name had never been spoken in front of him, and he believed not even Ruby knew of the man's name. It didn't matter in the end anyway. "As for the kiss...I've kissed only three people the same way. You were one of the three if that even matters to you." he looked at Jacob, unsure if anything that he said would be believed anymore or not. But did it even matter? At this point he was just trying to give away something, anything that could solve this situation.
Jacob believed he toyed with him, just like Ruby did. It was maddening, that at the smallest of slips, everything could crumble and that words didn't mean anything anymore. It maddened the man so much that he rose from the couch again and stepped in front of Jacob, grabbing his shirt but not lifting him from the couch. He stared into his eyes, determination catching fire somewhere in there. "I want you to believe me, when I say I care about both you, and Ruby. Ruby's Happiness matters as much as yours, but if I cannot make her happy it doesn't matter if I love her or not. I kissed you because it was what I wanted, and I thought it was what you wanted too." the scared sheep was no longer there, instead he decided to make a choice, force himself to take the step forward he had feared to take for a long time.
"So tell me if you want my care and protection? I can't offer eternal life, or shield you forever, but I can care about you until my death. And no matter what you say today I still will care. No matter what you do I'll always have a place in my mind for you." if given the occasion he would let go of Jacob's shirt and take a step back. "I will fix what I did to Ruby regardless of what you say. But I can't be to her what you wish me to be." it hurt to say such a thing, but he had enough of running away. He needed to stop and look around, and take the hand of what he had, stop letting the shadows of a long lost past haunt him.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 7, 2016 14:40:39 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
Max wanted to yell at the man to tell him he believed him. That despite what he had done to Ruby, despite the lies he told her to keep her away from him, he meant everything he told and did to Jacob. The cop could understand the man's hesitation, were he in his place, he would've had a very hard time to swallow anything told. He was a detective, and his job was to take out information from others, and it appears he had done that with both Ruby and Jacob. He had learned that they both felt something for him, that there may be more than just friendship between him and Jacob, and that Ruby hoped to go further with him than being a simple bedside buddy. It hurt him deeply that he hadn't seen it earlier, for both of them. Maybe then would he have made better choices.
It would be easy to cower away under Jacob's angry eyes. Never had Max seen him so angry, so involved in the situation. Another mask fell in this moment, and Max was the only one to see it. He feared the man's wrath, but strangely enough he did not fear that he could hurt him. He wished to scold himself for believing one second that Jacob would never hurt him again, but at the same time he trusted the man with his life and could only imagine that if the merc hurt him or Ruby, that it would hurt him in return. Madden made them both care enough that they came to a point where hurting one another only hurt themselves more. The pain he had inflicted Ruby haunted his every night, and the pain he was giving to Jacob now would surely haunt his days. It had to stop.
Jacob sat down on the couch abruptly, leaving Max standing alone. With his head between his hands, it was clear he was dwelling with things bigger than him. He remained silent for a little while as Max stayed up, looking at him without a word. He wished he could wrap his arms around the man, tell him that he'll fix everything, that in the end everyone will be happy with what they have and that all this will be left behind. But he didn't believe that this type of contact would be welcome now. Max truly hoped that at some point, such a gesture will be the only thing they'll want and that will be needed for both of them. Eventually Jacob spoke, and what Max heard felt like a knife slowly sliding between his ribs, taking away his air. "You can't ask me to do the same." his voice had an edge to it, like some anger for how Jacob thought about it all. Jacob never knew about the exclusive talk Max and Ruby had. He loved Ruby, but he had a hard time believing that he could ever have a life with her. That they could ever be that sweet couple with children, living in a nice house, somewhere away from Chicago. It felt like this city couldn't be escaped, and every time he saw Ruby, a part of him couldn't help it but be reminded that the entire world he lived in was but business and blood. He may be wrong, and time may prove him so. But all this, he was unable to admit, fearing it may hurt further than do any good. "Why are you treating me and Ruby like we were ever a couple? Did I unconsciously propose to her that night when we all got drunk and woke up in the same bed?!" with a trembling voice, shook by anger, he added "What you want matters just as much as what I want or what Ruby wants. And so far, I don't know what she wants. I didn't open up to you for the pleasure of messing with your mind Jacob even though you may think I did."
He paused and started to pace as well until Jacob spoke again, his tone had calmed down, but Max knew this wasn't done. Yes he had been late to realize he was wrong, but it wasn't too late to fix it. He stopped pacing and looked at the ceiling before looking down again with a deep quick breath. "You've always been there for me, and you've always been the one to tell me the right thing at the right moment to keep me from straying from the right path. Even now you are doing it. Why?" his tone had calmed down as well, the volume being so much lower than before as he looked at Jacob, the anger in his blue eyes had already started to fade to the point of extinction. He did not wish to fight the man further.
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 7, 2016 0:21:26 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
As he stood, the tension in his body made his calf ache, but not only. It felt like all the scars on his body were set on fire, marked with white metal once more. He was so angry with himself he felt like he needed to step under a cold shower to cool his entire self. His heart was racing without stopping, time flew by without letting him or Jacob catch up. He felt like catching the nearest object and slam it onto the floor. He wished he could break his own fists, bone after bone. It was like a thousand voices grew around him, telling him how wrong he had gone. He couldn't even believe how south everything went because of his words. He wished he could be mute, that his tongue had been ripped out so that only his actions mattered and not his words.
The thought of speaking french almost made him do just that, speak in his native language to make things come out easier. But what was the point if he understood but not Jacob? Following Jacob's first sentence about the fact that Max kissed him instead of leaving, Max's voice rose once more. "And I would do it again! Even if it weren't for Jack White's stupid actions I would have still done it. I didn't do it because I'm stupid or desperately searching for affection!" he avoided saying that he killed Jack White, for the sake of the neighbors listening. But it didn't stop him from crying out his words. To him the present situation didn't matter, this kiss would have ended up happening if they kept on going like this. Everything Jacob said over the past months, the things he did, the looks he gave, it all led to this, but nothing else did.
Jacob's words shot true, and left Max speechless. Just like Ruby before, he was telling him that no matter what, they couldn't shelter each other from the dangers of this world. The truth was that Ruby had as much chance to die in a car accident than shot by some gangster. And same went for Jacob. Why had Max been so stubborn to believe the world could be something it wasn't? All this time he had been a stupid idealist who wished to see the people he loved protected in some sort of safety bubble. But the truth was, that if he had pushed them both before he was kidnapped and brought for slaughter, he would be dead. If they never met, Ruby would have died in the hands of Shaun, or worse. If all this never happened, if he wasn't friends with them, Ruby wouldn't have been able to call him that night at the hotel, and Jacob would be dead. The realization of all this hit Madden like a train, rendering him silent. He looked away, somewhere on the floor on Jacob's right, his eyes completely lost.
The merc spoke again, and this time the anger seemed to have withered down. The surprise of it made Max raise his eyes slowly. And the first thing that crossed his mind when the man finished was, Jacob had feelings for him? And it mattered to him?! Max never thought the merc would have feelings for him, but he could have never even imagined that those feelings could matter to Jacob. He always believed that Jacob was the type to push such things away for whatever reason. Did Max's confession do this? "I don't know how to fix this..." he paused, relaxing his clenched fists before speaking again. "I_can't think_ I can't_ I don't know_ I'm..." his eyes were wandering elsewhere again as he bit his lips, starting to pace around like Jacob before him, his hands touching each other nervously, running on his neck, into his hair, chin, arm. How could he tell if this was some stupid phase about Jacob, or if he was unwilling to be who he was again? Last time he loved a man, he was the one who ended up broken. But Jacob was right. What if he and Ruby reconciled each other, what then? One could argue they never were a couple, but that was a poor excuse to Madden's mind.
"I_Wouldn't be able to forget...I haven't lied about what I feel. But I'm_" his voice cracked as the pressure in his head started to grow, starting with his throat. He felt his eyes swell with water, his face was red and his fists were clenched again. "...I'm afraid to hurt Ruby again." he had no idea of the wreck she was at this point, and if he knew his fear would only grown to unbearable measures. He took a deep breath, clenching his jaw to hide the shakes in it. "But you are right about protecting." he was able to admit Jacob's earlier words convinced him. "If it weren't for_us, none of us would be alive...."
Sorry ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 6, 2016 22:19:32 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
Jacob's harsh words threw a spear through Max, locking him on the couch, abruptly lowering his head like an animal being yelled at. He didn't expect Jacob to want him to answer to that first question after the bomb fell. It sounded more like the man was initiating his wrath with a sentence to strike the cop still. And strike him still it did. He didn't need to look up at Jacob to know he was angry. All the anger in the man was carried in his voice, licking the air like fire. He flinched as he suddenly got up from the couch to pace around the living room. At each step, Max's awareness that he was as good as dead right now became clearer. Two people, whom he had befriended, helped out, fallen in love with their personalities, quirks and flaws, he had betrayed. Many people say that betrayal is the worst crime ever to be accomplished in the world of men. And at this point, Max wished he could go back in time, go to the Jacob he met at the harbor, and let him kill him. But he was in front of a Jacob who had changed, and who won't kill him.
His eyes rose up to Jacob slowly as the man started to yell, crying out what Madden had been repeating himself all along. The question was always why, and it was the most frustrating thing he could go up against. He couldn't answer, but he knew he had to. As much as he flinched earlier, he did not flinch when Jacob stepped towards him quickly, menacing to throw away any affection he had for the cop to break him. Max could fall down, accept his mistakes, be miserable, cry on the floor, whatever would make him look like the stupid and pathetic human being he is. But he had done enough harm, and curling up in a corner was not how he would fix the problems he created. He had to fix this, by any means possible.
"I told you no bullshit. I was going to go but you wouldn't let me. Because you are so damn afraid I might hurt myself! I told you the truth. I legitimately like you, more than I have allowed myself to in a long time with a man." he couldn't help it, but his voice rose, and so did he, standing up from the couch, unable to see himself as the scolded kid anymore, nor the pup who ate his master's shoes and was now scolded with a roll of newspaper. His fears that Jacob may believe he was the third wheel were confirmed, bringing Max's anger to rise again for letting all this happen. He shook his head, anger in his eyes as he spoke with a deep voice, filled with sincerity but also the pain Jacob's words inflicted him. "I did not come to you because you were all I had. I came to you because I__" a hushed 'putain' followed the cut off sentence, as he could not find the right words to say. The fear of saying something that would break everything even more was tensing up all of his muscles, his jaw clenched painfully.
"I want BOTH of you to be safe, to stop killing and_ gn_ I can't protect you because of the BULLSHIT I DO!" at this point he believed the neighbors may be listening, and he closed his eyes, forming words in his mind before speaking them more calmly, taking time to gather back his senses and stop the bull from seeing red. "You...you made me love you when I didn't want to." he didn't want this to end like it ended with Ruby. He wanted to find the courage to march until the end of the line, and so he forced himself to talk more. "I need help. Help me fix this I beg you..." that last sentence was meant to mean he wished to get help to fix the bridge he destroyed with Ruby, and at this point he didn't believe he could fix anything by himself. His eyes were red, but they showed a determination that wasn't there before.
Sorry for the door ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 6, 2016 12:32:55 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
Deep down, he felt like he knew the way things would end tonight. He would probably end up leaving with the knowledge that Jacob doesn't want anything to do with him. The mercenary looked away, letting out a strange sound, but not speaking for a while. Did Max just finish cutting bridges with the two only people he cared about? It was never his intention to do so. With those weeks all alone, he had realized how much he needed both Ruby and Jacob's presence around him, to keep him from doing something stupid. And stupid things he had done, including the killing of Jack White. He could have gone to Ruby for help, but after their talk, more like fight, at the hospital, he was convinced she wouldn't want to see him again. If it weren't for that, Madden would have gone to the woman rather than Jacob. That way he didn't have to get his hands dirty with the cop's mistakes again.
And then Jacob spoke, and all that Max was able to keep stable, crumbled upon him. The intensity in his eyes immediately faded away as he looked down at his hands. He still saw the blood there, or so he thought. Under the nails, staining the skin in a tanned manner. He did not know what to tell Jacob about what happened with Ruby. Did he even know? Did Ruby tell him about it? Would Jacob have accepted him in his house so easily if he knew? The cop didn't think so. Again, he wished to think further of his words, remaining silent as he put the pieces together, wondering if he should tell a lie, a partial truth, or the full truth. He exhaled, his breath silent as a frown drew itself on his face. She hates me. Is that what he should say?
No. The full truth it was then. Keeping his head low, guilt raging inside him he spoke, trying to explain what happened at the hospital in simple words. "A few days before I came out of the hospital, Ruby gave me a visit. We talked about what had happened at the slaughterhouse." he paused, unsure how to go further with the story. He was slowly bracing himself for when he would end his telling. Jacob loved Ruby as much as he did, if not more. He didn't know if the man would hold his wrath back, or let it all go, unleashing his anger upon the cop. "I wanted to protect her. Keep her away from putting herself in danger for me again. So I told her everything we had was wrong. I told her that we should keep our distances, that we could still see each other, but that for her safety and mine, we had to keep a lower profile..." he paused once more. It was hard to believe, that from that they could have had a fight. Max had been stubborn and so had Ruby, so in the end, they both stood their ground, and it ended in the worst way possible. "She didn't take it well, and we ended up yelling at each other...She has avoided me since." he didn't know how to make it clear that Ruby was hating him, unless he plainly said it.
He rose his eyes up, his heartbeat was uneven as he looked in Jacob's eyes, but unlike before, he was unable to keep the contact and lowered his gaze after a second. "I didn't want to hurt her. I still don't want to hurt her..." but it was too late. The harm was done, and at this point, even apologies seemed to be a poor defense. He had never intended to make it seem like he used the woman, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized what he did was exactly that. It didn't change anything that he loved her, what he had done was unforgivable. He had led her on, and in a way he had led himself on as well. He had tried out a relationship he was afraid to see take a definite path. He was afraid that Ruby wouldn't love him in return at first, that she wasn't interested in any long term relationships. And they had even agreed that they didn't want anything of the sort! On Jacob's birthday they spoke about how they didn't want to head into anything serious. Max believed they had sorted it all out by the exclusives title. Guilt was drowning the man, even more now that he talked to Jacob about it. But now Jacob will think he was the third wheel, the one to save the situation by being there for Max's own needs. The thought that the merc could even begin to think that ripped Madden's heart appart. Even so that he felt the urge to assure the man it wasn't the case, out of fear and panic. But the words were blocked in his throat as he looked up once more.
Sorry for the door ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 6, 2016 1:25:33 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
The man's hands on his back, tracing the lines of the whip there like many rivers or veins. He hadn't been touched yet there since he was out of the hospital, and he even avoided hugs by fear that someone may feel those horrid marks on his back. But Jacob knew about them already, and he didn't seem to be disturbed by them. Max had grown so many fears in the past few months since he arrived at Chicago, the fear of being judged for his scars was not really a novelty. He felt like he was in some sort of transe, kissing Jacob the way he had wished to do for a while now, feeling the warmth of another person while he had been purposely keeping company away in the past few weeks. His thoughts were barely working, enjoying the moment as it was instead of thinking things too far.
But he had been asking for it. Asking for Jacob to make him stop, and eventually, the man came back to his senses, pushing the cop away from him. Max rose himself on his arms, for a moment towering over Jacob until he saw the look in his eyes. Now he knew things were over, and he sat back on the couch, on the other end, looking at Jacob while he gathered back his breath. He listened to the man's question, his eyes caught by how strong Jacob's gaze upon his was. Why was he doing this? A lot of things played in: Circumstances, emotions, the care Jacob showed him. But none of it would have ever played if he didn't initially feel something for the man. And there it was again, the memory of pushing Ruby away from the greater good because he had fallen for her. What if the same thing happened with Jacob? What if all the love relations he ever had were doomed to fail because of his relentless wall of emotions constantly falling on that so called love. Because he acted too quickly and just never let the time for love to settle in, he would be doomed to be hated by each of his lovers for breaking their hearts.
But he had left time to think about Jacob. He was the first man he looked upon with a fond eye since France. To avoid rushing anything, to keep things at a normal pace, so he would make the right choices and not break Jacob the way he broke Ruby, he formed the words in his mind first. "I'm doing this because I've grown to like you more than a friend." his words came out sincere and serious, his eyes keeping contact with Jacob's own. He could attempt to explain more, but he had learned to understand that he was better with actions than with words. Yet he wished to ask why Jacob agreed to this, while he was doing this himself. Max would have never said or attempted to get closer to the man if he didn't see something in those eyes that invited him to do so. And he believed he had seen that invitation in the man's eyes a few times before. But the cop remained silent, not wishing to say or ask something he'll regret.
Sorry for the door ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 5, 2016 15:40:44 GMT 2
In dire need of information
He had been warned that this hole of a bar was a hideout for all kinds of people, but he felt like at this point, anything that had anything to do with criminals couldn't surprise him nor bother him. After dealing with Shaun Bianchi and his tiger, the cop simply couldn't even compare the cold glares he received here with the fire and pain he had experienced in the past few months because of criminals. He was well aware that he may not be welcome in this o so special bar, but he had business to attend to.
He wished to jump on business right away, but doing such a thing without taking the time to learn about the people here would be a mistake. As much as he hated the idea, a few links in the underground of Chicago could not be such a bad idea. And starting with the barman was always a good option. He observed the man from time to time, but for good measure he also trailed his eyes around, trying to map the place and the people here. He didn't believe everyone knew he was a cop just from one look, after all he wasn't in a uniform, nor did he take out his badge yet. To feel a little more safe, he always walked around with a gun or two strapped to his waist under his arm pits. But he rarely used them, he hoped today would be one of those days where he wouldn't have to take out tom and jerry. No he did not give names to his guns.
He was served a beer soon enough, and he watched the foam slide on the side of the glass for a moment before taking a sip. Not bad, but still no Belgian Beer. He then heard the bartender's voice raise itself, so he turned his head to him, listening to his question. It was rather understandable that the man wished to know his customers, especially since all the people here seemed to be regulars or living in this part of town. "I've been here for a few months, but I don't live in this part of town if that's what you are asking." he answered quite frankly, considering there was nothing in this that could work against him for now. He caught the man's eyes flutter to the door behind him, and the cop turned around by pure curiosity. A young lady came inside, seemingly ready to play the guitar. She looked quite young, but besides that, there was nothing off about it. He took a look back at the bartender and asked. "This looks like quite the establishment. For how long has it been here?" a simple question, aimed to start the conversation, and eventually lead to him asking more precise questions.
No trouble |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 5, 2016 3:03:56 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
He already knew where all this would stop. This was Jacob, not Antoine. Max didn't believe Jacob ever had any affairs with a man, nor did he believe he even ever kissed a man. Of course he didn't know that he kissed him himself months ago while being completely drunk. He wasn't doing what he did to get his way with the man or satisfy some sort of lust he had because of his lack of any human contact in the past few weeks. He didn't do that either because he wanted to be with a man again. As mentioned before he had too much respect for Jacob to even consider being that way to him. No, he wanted to be with Jacob, to forget about his troubles by solving another, despite his habit of creating problems to solve others. He didn't know or truly believe Jacob could feel anything for him, not the way he felt for the man anyway. But the way things looked like now? He'd be ready to believe with all of his mind that Jacob indeed felt something and that he wasn't just agreeing to be Max's medicine for the night. In a way, Madden was trying to be the merc's own medicine, accepting to stay when he could leave, giving him affection, making him forget that all this happened and make him understand he wasn't some stupid third wheel.
Jacob's whispers were enticing him, not stopping him. It felt like a taunt at each of his words, daring Madden to take a step further or definitely back away. Max had no courage to do the latter, feeling Jacob's lips trail to his neck, his hands getting to his back as well, keeping him close despite the man's warnings. The cop's eyes nearly disappeared under his eyelids as Jacob whispered once more near his ear. He chuckled in disbelief, unsure why that chuckle escaped his lips. Perhaps because it was the only response he could get at this point. Slowly he was bending under Jacob's hands, accepting what was happening and thinking that he should stop questioning Jacob's will. If the man wished to stop, he would, wouldn't he? Max's senses grew aware of everything to pick up the slightest sign that it should all end.
Since nothing stopped, the cop pushed Jacob onto the couch, moving to make things easier. His arms left the warmth under his shirt so that one of them could wrap around the man's shoulders and the other across his back, his hand heading down to the rim of his pants. He did not intend to go any further tonight, nor any other night if there were to be any. He still believed that after this, they will both act as if nothing happened, much like Ruby and Jacob before. But a part of him hoped that there could be more. He was ready to face the outcomes, whatever they may be. He kissed the man in the crook of his neck before raising his lips back upon Jacob's lips. Each time his head moved to give a different kiss, his eyes would open slightly, looking at Jacob, again searching for hints. Stop me, he mouthed in such a quiet whisper it was barely noticeable. But as he mouthed the words, his lips were so close to Jacob's that they caressed, making it seem like they spoke together perhaps.
Sorry for the door ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 5, 2016 1:13:52 GMT 2
Worry & Blood sorry
He grumbled with his eyes closing as Ruby seemed to be wanting to force him to eat while he was barely able to chew or move for that matter. "I'll call you Honey one more time if you ask me to take more..." he grunted with a very light chuckle. He knew that if he fell asleep again, it might be easier for them to leave. Now they knew he was alright, that he was out of the blue, that he shouldn't die in the next few hours unless some idiot on the staff did something stupid like let his wounds get infected. But he was confident that none of this will ever happen. So he was ready to fake falling asleep (and probably end up falling asleep anyway) to make these two go get some rest at their home. Or have lunch somewhere, hell that sounded pretty great in his mind. The thought of food didn't sound good to his mind right now however, and that was why he refused to take anything more from Ruby. He had asked for the croissant, and now he was barely able to eat it. To make Ruby happy he took down one more bite, but not the two she promised she'd give him. "Thank you. Eat the rest, please." he hoped that this won't somehow make him sick or do anything to his internal organs he'll regret later. Two pieces, it was nothing really.
He hoped that the sad sad croissant will get eaten by Ruby while he didn't look. Max then looked at Jacob, seeing such a concerned look on the man's face. They both cared so much about their little Ruby that he was ready to backup Jacob on that one. "Eeeeeaaaattt" he let out in a tired way, his voice cracking a bit at the end. And that seemed to be the extent of his speech for today. He was glad to hear that Lucius was fine and he had no doubt both Ruby and Jacob would take care of him. He wished he could have the puppy with him at the hospital, but he didn't think the puppy would be very happy here. It was better if Ruby took the pup at her place, or if Jacob did the same. But he did appreciate the joke attempts coming from the merc and the woman. It made him smile faintly. Ruby driving was indeed a bad idea right now, but he trusted Jacob won't let her drive back home on her own, even less take the wheel. He didn't believe he needed to open his mouth again to precise that.
A nurse came inside the room the moment later, asking of both Ruby and Jacob to leave so she could change his bandages and allow him some rest. A quick hm, almost a growl from Max was heard, like an agreement to it as he felt the hands of his friends leave his own. He waved slightly, as much as he could without hurting himself, watching them leave without being able to talk further. He wished they could have stayed more, but at least now they had to go get some rest and eat something. Once his bandages were changed, which was quite a painful experience, he was injected more painkillers and he dozed off, falling asleep for the next few hours, without anything coming to bother him or wake him up.
This was supposed to be RF >:U ♡ |
|
|
Chicago PD
Bisexual
Sexuality
It's complicated
Relationship Status
Police Detective
Occupation
|
5Suns
Offline
Jul 27, 2016 14:43:59 GMT 2
GMT +1
Tag me @max
|
|
Post by Max Madden on Mar 5, 2016 0:34:01 GMT 2
Needing help
to clean the mess
One of Max's hands slid upon Jacob's chest, stopping at the level of his heart as soon as his fingers picked up the beating of the organ. It was so fast, thumping against the rib cage like it was ready to leap out. If Jacob could feel the cop's right now, he would surely find a match to the wild beating of his own. It was interesting to understand that in some moments, humans could become one same individual and synchronize elements such as the beating of their hearts, their breathing and movements. What are you doing Madden? What are you going to say for your defense? Pledge guilty or non guilty? He felt like he was in front of a court but just didn't give a single fuck about what was being said or what judgment he may receive.
Time didn't matter any longer. Max's mind was awake, despite the late hour and what had happened. This was the best way for him to forget about all of his beasts, his monsters inside that were preying on him. Those yellow eyes were disappearing in the darkness of his mind at each kiss exchanged. Would they come back? Probably, but not until Jacob was close, being the shield of light against all the shadows stinging the man's head. And even after he stopped, the beasts did not dare approach. The cop looked at Jacob, seeing his chest rise fast and high under his hand. He closed his half opened mouth, swallowing once as his own chest rose at an uneven pace. I'm sorry, and he's not. What had he done that Jacob, despite the break given to him, still decided that he didn't want to stop this? How was it that he didn't want to push Max away? In the end he never knew what happened with Ruby the night the merc nearly died, was it like this too? Was Jacob simply unable to push the woman away? Did he wish for it? Or did he push her away, just a little too late? He didn't know and he believed he never will know the truth. But yet again: He pledged guilty today, guilty for being so bad with his feelings, yet knowing what he wanted.
A man's touch was nothing like a woman's, and Jacob's touch at this present moment was nothing like Ruby's. The eyes were the same, but the face was different. The woman often had that mischievous smirk on her lips that made the cop lust after her in an instant, loving everything about that smirk, from the color of her lips to the carve it left at the edge of her cheek. When Jacob looked at Max, it was hard to understand his intentions. Maybe it was the lack of habit, or was it because those dark eyes swallowed all of Madden's judgment? He looked lost, the hint of worry still seemed to spark in his eyes, but there was something else there, or so the cop believed. His lips were parted, still shaped in 'I'm not'. He wished to lower himself upon those lips which he knew nothing of, explore them, learn to know them. But his attention was still ate away by Jacob's eyes, turning his words again and again in his mind. He wasn't sorry for this, maybe Max shouldn't be either since there was apparently nothing to be sorry for.
Jacob was kind enough to close the gap between them once more, his warm hands cupping the cop's face. So the soldier lowered his guard and let him pass. For how long will it last, that was unknown, but it would be a fool's play if he stopped everything now after the weapons were down on both sides. He had always feared and respected the man too much to dare think too much of what was happening right now. It was like daydreaming about someone who wasn't yours was a forbidden fruit. A small smile drew itself on the man's lips, perhaps the most sincere he had tonight. The hands he had on the man's face slid down upon his chest until he reached his side. The hands slipped under Jacob's shirt, aiming to get to his back and the warm skin there. The skin burned under his hands, as he kissed Jacob more softly now, wondering what his bunny thought about all of this right now... "You should_ stop me_" he said between two kisses, gathering some air as he spoke, but never stopping anything. He didn't want Jacob to push him away, but right now he was acting like a detective, still unable to believe the man was allowing this to happen.
Sorry for the door ♡ |
|
