Some body needs help [Max]

Jacob invitation was unexpected but appreciated. The signs of their friendship were a way to strengthen the belief that it existed. Their relationship, all three of them, had been a hell of a ride, but hopefully, like it seemed to be the case now, it was slowly getting stable. Like all group of friends they had a moment in time where things just went wrong, where they yelled at each other, even though Jacob never seemed to yell. And like all group of friends there were moments where they just loved to be around each other and be content, sleeping on top of one another. "I promise that I'll come back to see those masks and you can talk about it for hours and hours." he promised and he shall keep that promise if Jacob would let him. And if Ruby wanted to come as well, Max was sure she would be interested in knowing about all those masks as well.

He wondered how he will tell Ruby about all this. After the slaughterhouse incident, they didn't see each other as often as they used to. The cop had insisted that for her safety they should keep their visits to a lower number and that they should perhaps stop with the exclusivity. It was not a decision he took lightly, and his time at the hospital had permitted him to think more about it that he had initially wished for. He didn't know if she would approve of what he did, or if she would be...angry. It sounded unlikely that she could possibly be the later, but the option remained. He did not dwell much on the subject, Jacob's arm moved around his shoulders, cutting sharp through his train of thoughts.

The way they touched, talked and the way they seemed to just be enjoying each other's presence without even having to add anything else to the moment was...strange. Max's heart skipped a few beats as he remembered the last time he felt that way. One of those times was with Ruby, but the feeling didn't exactly match. The time in his life that matched nearly perfectly was one of those days at Antoine's place, in his bedroom, with the windows opened in summer while they both just laid on the floor, content with each other's presence without having to speak a word. Jacob's soft words once again stopped him in his trail of thoughts, and Madden believed it to be a good thing since his mind was starting to slowly get grim at some of the memories rising up.

He moved his head on Jacob's shoulder, looking at the hand fiddling with his shirt before shifting his head back the way it was. The image of himself moving his lips to Jacob's neck flashed in his mind for a split second before disappearing. He didn't understand why his mind was unraveling his fantasies now, when it was less required. "Define Okay" he asked, wanting to keep the atmosphere light by playing some sort of a game rather than drown it in his troubles. He wished to forget, not reinforce this dreadful feeling of guilt and pain he was so familiar with nowadays.

Sorry for the door

Max felt the grip around him tighten. His own hands were simply resting on his legs, holding the empty glass of water. He didn't know how Jacob showcased his friendship, but right now Max believed he was doing a pretty good job. And he was doing an even better job at making the man feel safe, which was a hard thing to accomplish in the first place. Did he feel like crying or screaming his lungs out? Maybe a part of him did, but the part of him he was currently using didn't. The part of him in which he stood now simply wanted to be with Jacob, feel his warmth, allow the man to keep him close, comfort him and reassure him in return.

He felt strange to accept Jacob's embrace, and even wish for more. Even with Ruby he hated to have to show weakness. It was like he was the one supposed to be strong for both of them all the time and keep his wits to control the situation. Even when he was at the hospital he hated the worried faces both of the criminals gave him, but he couldn't do anything about it. His state was just pity full, and he had no way at the time to show a stronger self. But now that he did have the occasion to do so, to be a monument of strength in front of Jacob, he just didn't want to. He wished he could just crumble in the man's arms, die, be reborn, die and be reborn again of his ashes. He wrapped his arms around the man's waist, setting the glass on the small table.

It was a way of showing the man his gratitude, but also a way to hide his face in case his control broke and he couldn't keep a straight face anymore. His face in the crook of the man's neck, his breath even and regular as he spoke, a little base in his throat. "I'm okay. I'll be fine don't worry. It will take time but I...think I can get past this." he then added "You are a good help, just don't worry too much. Imagine that all this is a dramatisation of reality, and that the truth under it is not as awful sounding." and that was an awful lie, a beautiful and awful lie. He should have known Jacob could see right through it, but it was his way of trying to reassure Jacob. It was all he had, Jacob's presence to hand onto right now so he could eventually move on.

Sorry for the door

The word 'weak' was the one word Jacob said that made Max's anger slowly boil again. It was always that word, the word that killed the prideful and kept Ruby from agreeing to show her feelings as well, being at the hospital in Max's arms, in Jacob's arms, or in the cop's arms again when they were at her house. And it was the word keeping Madden right now from letting his feelings fully show. If he let his guard down he'd surely fall down like a child, cry, yell, break something or more, show anger at Jacob, blame him for stupid reasons, finally let go of words he wished he never let out of the cage, and finally sit on the floor again to drown in his very own pool of misery. It wasn't something he wished to put Jacob or anyone else through, and he didn't wish to give the image of a weak police detective to both his friends.

The thing was, that Jacob said it was okay to do all that, in a non direct way. Jacob was indeed there, with his arms around the cop's shoulders, his hands on his back, maybe now trailing the flesh and feeling the trails left by the whip. He felt like he was using Jacob to feel better, but the merc wasn't doing anything to stop him. This was all heading in a direction Max feared. His hands on the man's back, trailing down the spine, feeling the intricate scheme of muscle and bone until he stopped clean, moving away from the man's embrace.

He moved a hand to his calf, feeling if the painkillers were having any effect at all. It already felt better, but his gesture seemed to show that he wanted to make sure he could leave at any moment now. He felt like an invader in Jacob's home, in Jacob's life. Like some sort of stain that made his life more difficult and complicated than it initially was. "I'm sorry, I'm making your day more complicated than it should be. None of this would have ever happened if I didn't get curious. You proved the world that you were safe acting on your own, I'm not the one who's going to take your safety away." he was looking at the man, his hands still on his calf, a calm tone in his voice and a peace in his eyes, behind which hid frustration. "I love you too much to see you die or get hurt again. I don't want to kill someone else to protect you and Ruby. Because I will do it again, if I have to."

There he said it. Everything was out, his monstrosity just like his feelings. How Jacob interpreted it all was up to him, but Max felt a small weight raise after admitting that indeed: He was ready to kill for the safety of those he loved. The worry he had seen in their eyes at the hospital, the pain in Ruby's eyes, the sight of Jacob on the verge of death, it all participated in Max throwing down his morals in a shattering concert. What were morals when you are dead or that your loved ones died because you couldn't push your morals aside? Was he starting to think like Jacob? He didn't know. But until this day he never felt the need to protect so much, and be ready to kill for that to be possible. He knew deep inside that he would have killed for Alice as well if she was threatened, but he wouldn't have killed if she were already dead, only accepting reality as it were and drowning in it. But for those two? Ruby and Jacob? He would kill the last Bianchi in this town if they were to kill one or both of them.

Sorry for the door

He contemplated Jacob's face, worry painted on it once more. He couldn't bare the sight, but he realized he couldn't bare the words that flew out of the merc's mouth even more. He remained silent, during the entire time Jacob spoke. He could feel the fire in his chest rise, believing it was anger at first. He didn't know what to say at first, only answering in his mind to everything Jacob said. When he said that he took away Jacob's safety, he was talking about much earlier, when he talked to Ruby and Jacob at the masquerade, when he became curious. He couldn't believe Jacob felt so guilty, and at this moment he realized, all three of them, probably blamed themselves about everything that happened. And in Jacob's last words, he recognized his own. I'm too selfish for that, exactly what he thought every time he considered stopping everything, backing away from Ruby and Jacob, saying goodbye for good. He was too selfish to do so, knowing he wouldn't be able to live the same way without them, that it would change him for the worst. They made him feel alive, and that was a truth, a reality that stuck to him for quite some time now. He had been dead before finding them, a husk doing a cop's job. But now that he had the opportunity to be with them, things had to get in the way to make him doubt and fear.

Jacob continued to speak, his hand reaching out to Max's own. The cop didn't push him away, frozen with a confused look on his face, worry tainting partially his eyes. Leave Jacob? Since when had the man's words ever strike his mind so harshly, like a knife on his flesh, a whip in his back. His eyes searched Jacob's own, trying to understand why he was on the verge of pleading for him to stay. But he couldn't see anything, his eyes betraying him, his mind racing with Jacob's words, turning them over and over until he was done talking. He could barely feel the cuffed grip around his wrist, his attention resting solely on the man's words and eyes. He could understand that Jacob was ready to help him in all his misery, no matter what, and he could now see in those brown eyes that he wasn't fearing what may come, that whatever the obstacle he would be there for him and Ruby. He hadn't seen so much care in those eyes ever before. A distressed care, an alarmed one of someone afraid to lose a loved one. The I, at the end of Jacob's sentence told Max that he wished to say that he loved Max as well. What type of love, the cop couldn't know, but he could see in those eyes that he wished to say it even if he couldn't.

Everything the man was saying simply shackled Max to him at each word, forcing him to remain, perhaps wishing to hear more, but mostly because he was ready to do everything Jacob had said, if it meant being with him and Ruby. To hell with his fear, it was standing in the way of what he wanted and in the way of what Jacob seemed to want. He understood that he had been a great help to Ruby by being the shoulder she needed in difficult times, and he believed that he may be, in some way, Jacob's crutch. They were all three of them a drug to each other, unable to stop despite the danger. But in the end, they could all swear they lived.

No words came out of Madden's mouth, instead he broke down a barrier he believed would never fall down. His hand, cuffed by Jacob's own held the man's while his free one quickly reached for his neck, his thumb along his jawline while his fingers gently dug into the skin of the neck. He shifted on the couch, moving closer to Jacob in a split second, his thumb waving across his cheek to his ear as his lips came upon the man's own. He could feel guilty about that action, but the truth was that he had wanted it for a long time, and that his selfish self threw away all his piles of morals and good judgment to get this one desire off of his mind. His eyes were half closed, his jaw firm as he kissed Jacob, the fire he believed to be anger, turned out to be passion mixed with many other things that crossed his panel of feelings that night. The residue of his past anger was patterned in his kiss, but his mind was blurred with the fury of the action, forbidding him to fully realize the measure of his actions.

Sorry for the door

At first no response came from Jacob, like he had frozen in time but Max simply didn't. He thought of backing away, believing that he may have gone too far, that like he thought before, Jacob was just not interested, nor did he wish for any of this. Maybe he had definitely broken their friendship, but in Max's eyes it wouldn't be such a bad thing. There were two, and maybe three outcomes to this: The first one would be that Jacob would reject Max for doing this to him, realize how much of a trouble maker the cop was and they would both go on with their lives in separate ways. The second outcome would be that it wouldn't bother him, that they were going to act as if it never happened but remain friends because they were both forgiving and Max believed he could learn to control his own outbursts of emotions. Third option...one of those that could go extremely well or end in flames. There must be a few options Max couldn't think of, some he didn't wish to think of, blocking them away or just didn't see them buried there.

Of all the options, he believed the first one was most likely to happen, but he found out soon that he wasn't right just yet. He felt Jacob's lips close upon his own, reciprocating in his action, gripping his shirt to keep him closer, as if he feared he would leave. And he was right to take the precaution, since as soon as he kissed the cop back, Max's heart started to race, nearly making him stop at first until his mind could cope with Jacob's response. He was surprised, but now reassured as well. He didn't know if he could have left him behind as easily as he wished he could. Who knows what he could have done at the realization that he was alone again with no one to support him in his choices.

The hand he previously had on Jacob's own went to the one grasping his shirt. Not to remove it, but to ease the grip on it. His previous rage and fire started to control itself, being less hurtful and hateful in his gestures. In his desire to be closer to Jacob and more comfortable as well he moved on top of him, sitting lightly on his lap, resting most of his weight on his knees, which were posed on each side of the man's hips, on the couch. He ran a hand in those dark locks, ever so careful in his movements while a tension remained in his back. Maybe it was the fear petrifying that one part of him, or that his heart raced too fast to control the tension in some spots of his back and legs.

Both his hand moved to cup Jacob's head, breaking their kiss for a moment, allowing himself to breath and think before blindness rendered him completely selfish. Did Jacob want this? Or was he responding because he couldn't do anything else? He believed the easiest way to know was to ask, but what words can come out of his mouth but I love you, and I'm not leaving? His mind was clear yet clouded in some areas. He wished to know Jacob's mind before thinking of his own. So perhaps the only other words that could come out were "I'm sorry..." it was like apologizing in advance for Jacob's wrath or rejection. Whatever will happen, Max was ready to accept, but he did not wish to see this end, he did not wish for this to be the last time he could look at Jacob's eyes while there was no hate in them. He wanted to close his eyes and kiss the man more, stop thinking about what is, was or will be. But Jacob's mind stood like a tall barrier in front of it all, like a soldier that wasn't ready to fall. Max was no killer and won't do anything until the soldier left him through.

Sorry for the door

One of Max's hands slid upon Jacob's chest, stopping at the level of his heart as soon as his fingers picked up the beating of the organ. It was so fast, thumping against the rib cage like it was ready to leap out. If Jacob could feel the cop's right now, he would surely find a match to the wild beating of his own. It was interesting to understand that in some moments, humans could become one same individual and synchronize elements such as the beating of their hearts, their breathing and movements. What are you doing Madden? What are you going to say for your defense? Pledge guilty or non guilty? He felt like he was in front of a court but just didn't give a single fuck about what was being said or what judgment he may receive.

Time didn't matter any longer. Max's mind was awake, despite the late hour and what had happened. This was the best way for him to forget about all of his beasts, his monsters inside that were preying on him. Those yellow eyes were disappearing in the darkness of his mind at each kiss exchanged. Would they come back? Probably, but not until Jacob was close, being the shield of light against all the shadows stinging the man's head. And even after he stopped, the beasts did not dare approach. The cop looked at Jacob, seeing his chest rise fast and high under his hand. He closed his half opened mouth, swallowing once as his own chest rose at an uneven pace. I'm sorry, and he's not. What had he done that Jacob, despite the break given to him, still decided that he didn't want to stop this? How was it that he didn't want to push Max away? In the end he never knew what happened with Ruby the night the merc nearly died, was it like this too? Was Jacob simply unable to push the woman away? Did he wish for it? Or did he push her away, just a little too late? He didn't know and he believed he never will know the truth. But yet again: He pledged guilty today, guilty for being so bad with his feelings, yet knowing what he wanted.

A man's touch was nothing like a woman's, and Jacob's touch at this present moment was nothing like Ruby's. The eyes were the same, but the face was different. The woman often had that mischievous smirk on her lips that made the cop lust after her in an instant, loving everything about that smirk, from the color of her lips to the carve it left at the edge of her cheek. When Jacob looked at Max, it was hard to understand his intentions. Maybe it was the lack of habit, or was it because those dark eyes swallowed all of Madden's judgment? He looked lost, the hint of worry still seemed to spark in his eyes, but there was something else there, or so the cop believed. His lips were parted, still shaped in 'I'm not'. He wished to lower himself upon those lips which he knew nothing of, explore them, learn to know them. But his attention was still ate away by Jacob's eyes, turning his words again and again in his mind. He wasn't sorry for this, maybe Max shouldn't be either since there was apparently nothing to be sorry for.

Jacob was kind enough to close the gap between them once more, his warm hands cupping the cop's face. So the soldier lowered his guard and let him pass. For how long will it last, that was unknown, but it would be a fool's play if he stopped everything now after the weapons were down on both sides. He had always feared and respected the man too much to dare think too much of what was happening right now. It was like daydreaming about someone who wasn't yours was a forbidden fruit. A small smile drew itself on the man's lips, perhaps the most sincere he had tonight. The hands he had on the man's face slid down upon his chest until he reached his side. The hands slipped under Jacob's shirt, aiming to get to his back and the warm skin there. The skin burned under his hands, as he kissed Jacob more softly now, wondering what his bunny thought about all of this right now... "You should_ stop me_" he said between two kisses, gathering some air as he spoke, but never stopping anything. He didn't want Jacob to push him away, but right now he was acting like a detective, still unable to believe the man was allowing this to happen.

Sorry for the door

He already knew where all this would stop. This was Jacob, not Antoine. Max didn't believe Jacob ever had any affairs with a man, nor did he believe he even ever kissed a man. Of course he didn't know that he kissed him himself months ago while being completely drunk. He wasn't doing what he did to get his way with the man or satisfy some sort of lust he had because of his lack of any human contact in the past few weeks. He didn't do that either because he wanted to be with a man again. As mentioned before he had too much respect for Jacob to even consider being that way to him. No, he wanted to be with Jacob, to forget about his troubles by solving another, despite his habit of creating problems to solve others. He didn't know or truly believe Jacob could feel anything for him, not the way he felt for the man anyway. But the way things looked like now? He'd be ready to believe with all of his mind that Jacob indeed felt something and that he wasn't just agreeing to be Max's medicine for the night. In a way, Madden was trying to be the merc's own medicine, accepting to stay when he could leave, giving him affection, making him forget that all this happened and make him understand he wasn't some stupid third wheel.

Jacob's whispers were enticing him, not stopping him. It felt like a taunt at each of his words, daring Madden to take a step further or definitely back away. Max had no courage to do the latter, feeling Jacob's lips trail to his neck, his hands getting to his back as well, keeping him close despite the man's warnings. The cop's eyes nearly disappeared under his eyelids as Jacob whispered once more near his ear. He chuckled in disbelief, unsure why that chuckle escaped his lips. Perhaps because it was the only response he could get at this point. Slowly he was bending under Jacob's hands, accepting what was happening and thinking that he should stop questioning Jacob's will. If the man wished to stop, he would, wouldn't he? Max's senses grew aware of everything to pick up the slightest sign that it should all end.

Since nothing stopped, the cop pushed Jacob onto the couch, moving to make things easier. His arms left the warmth under his shirt so that one of them could wrap around the man's shoulders and the other across his back, his hand heading down to the rim of his pants. He did not intend to go any further tonight, nor any other night if there were to be any. He still believed that after this, they will both act as if nothing happened, much like Ruby and Jacob before. But a part of him hoped that there could be more. He was ready to face the outcomes, whatever they may be. He kissed the man in the crook of his neck before raising his lips back upon Jacob's lips. Each time his head moved to give a different kiss, his eyes would open slightly, looking at Jacob, again searching for hints. Stop me, he mouthed in such a quiet whisper it was barely noticeable. But as he mouthed the words, his lips were so close to Jacob's that they caressed, making it seem like they spoke together perhaps.

Sorry for the door